I had a lot of self-contemplating these days (especially whent it’s near maghrib and I’m too hungry to do anything :P). Anyways, I thought a lot about my freshman year: things I’ve learned, done, and achieve. It turns out to be a little bit below my expectation.
So, I promised to myself that next year I won’t be disappointed again. I started joining online CS courses (and hopefully passing them!), solved more competitive programming problems, and get my hands dirty in the open source world. And it’s all awesome!
When I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.
It never occurred to me that studying CS in uni actually decreases the amount of time I spent coding per week. Perhaps it’s the way the lecturers teach me, the lack of worthy/challenging assignments, or the extremely weird reaction of my peers when I say I’d rather spend my time coding than do all those teen stuff.
But then again, when I skip those boring lectures I don’t go around and code. It’s like the magic is gone. All I’m left with is just a crippling thought in my head, saying “you’ve lost it.”
“I was on my way—jumping through hoops, kissing the proper behinds, attending to all the non-chemistry that one finds oneself occupied with. You know that world. That is not what I signed on for. I love the lab—because it’s all still magic, you know? Chemistry? I mean, once you lose that….”
I hope not.
Well, my ~3 months long holiday started last Tuesday, and I already made plans to fill the days!
Mid June – End of June
- Campus duties:
EPT BEM, Team Building PMB
- Build PMB Website!!!
- READ CTF writeups. Seriusly I suck hard at CTFs and I should study more.
- Be fluent in Python. Do CF practices in Python.
- READ Violent Python, Practical Packet Analysis, Hacking: The Art of Exploitation
- Seriously, CTFs CTFs CTFs HackThisSite SmashTheStack
- OMG STEAM SUMMER SALE! Spend wisely, Rakina.
- Do CFs. 1 Round/Day.
- Do SRMs. 1 SRM/Day.
- Relearn the Piano, for real.
- Finish the website!
- Learn a human language. Top picks: German, Russian, Japanese.
- Play the hell out of the games I bought on Steam Summer Sale
- Don’t stop CTFing just because you’re starving.
- Don’t stop CF & SRM just because you’re starving.
- READING can make you forget about your stomach. READ THOSE BOOKS!!!!
- YEAY MUDIK YEAY
- Download ALL the movies using your brother’s fast fast internet connection. Gotta love the rich ones!
- Teach the hell out of DKI Kids (Yes I got a job teaching them, yay money!)
- Do the CF and SRM too, you don’t want to behind those kids……
- Don’t forget to CTF, Gemastik is approaching………
- Head start on statprob? 😀
- ACE THE GEMASTIK QUALIFICATION ROUND!
Let’s just hope none of this ended up uncrossed 😀
No, my feelings did NOT come back. I still feel indifferent everyday. Well, maybe I still feel a little, but it never lasted long and it’s so weak I can’t recall any of it after a day. I feel detached from society, but not in a bad way. I just think I won’t weep when people change or leave. I still manage to maintain good social relationships just enough so I’m not spending my days alone. Well, as long as I still function normally in society, I don’t mind. And no, I don’t feel any emptiness or whatever you call it. It’s actually more of a blessing than a curse because now I feel like I’m a whole person and I don’t need anybody to cope by, so I don’t waste so many hours to impress not-so-important people everyday. Take that, feelings!
Now I’m back to my simple life of 24/7 coding/watching tv series/sleeping. If I can feel any emotion now, my best guess is that it would be happiness. 🙂