Life’s too short to do things you don’t like

I had a lot of self-contemplating these days (especially whent it’s near maghrib and I’m too hungry to do anything :P). Anyways, I thought a lot about my freshman year: things I’ve learned, done, and achieve. It turns out to be a little bit below my expectation.

So, I promised to myself that next year I won’t be disappointed again. I started joining online CS courses (and hopefully passing them!), solved more competitive programming problems, and get my hands dirty in the open source world. And it’s all awesome!

When I heard the learn’d astronomer

When I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

It never occurred to me that studying CS in uni actually decreases the amount of time I spent coding per week. Perhaps it’s the way the lecturers teach me, the lack of worthy/challenging assignments, or the extremely weird reaction of my peers when I say I’d rather spend my time coding than do all those teen stuff.

But then again, when I skip those boring lectures I don’t go around and code. It’s like the magic is gone. All I’m left with is just a crippling thought in my head, saying “you’ve lost it.”

“I was on my way—jumping through hoops, kissing the proper behinds, attending to all the non-chemistry that one finds oneself occupied with. You know that world. That is not what I signed on for. I love the lab—because it’s all still magic, you know? Chemistry? I mean, once you lose that….”

I hope not.

Holiday Plans

Well, my ~3 months long holiday started last Tuesday, and I already made plans to fill the days!

Mid June – End of June

  • Campus duties: EPT BEM, Team Building PMB
  • IPSC!
  • Build PMB Website!!!
  • READ CTF writeups. Seriusly I suck hard at CTFs and I should study more.
  • Be fluent in Python. Do CF practices in Python.
  • READ Violent Python, Practical Packet Analysis, Hacking: The Art of Exploitation
  • Seriously, CTFs CTFs CTFs HackThisSite SmashTheStack
  • OMG STEAM SUMMER SALE! Spend wisely, Rakina.
  • Do CFs. 1 Round/Day.
  • Do SRMs. 1 SRM/Day.

July

  • Relearn the Piano, for real.
  • Finish the website!
  • Learn a human language. Top picks: German, Russian, Japanese.
  • Play the hell out of the games I bought on Steam Summer Sale
  • Don’t stop CTFing just because you’re starving.
  • Don’t stop CF & SRM just because you’re starving.
  • READING can make you forget about your stomach. READ THOSE BOOKS!!!!
  • YEAY MUDIK YEAY
  • Download ALL the movies using your brother’s fast fast internet connection. Gotta love the rich ones!

August

  • Teach the hell out of DKI Kids (Yes I got a job teaching them, yay money!)
  • Do the CF and SRM too, you don’t want to behind those kids……
  • Don’t forget to CTF, Gemastik is approaching………
  • Head start on statprob? 😀
  • ACE THE GEMASTIK QUALIFICATION ROUND!

Let’s just hope none of this ended up uncrossed 😀

I’m back!

No, my feelings did NOT come back. I still feel indifferent everyday. Well, maybe I still feel a little, but it never lasted long and it’s so weak I can’t recall any of it after a day. I feel detached from society, but not in a bad way. I just think I won’t weep when people change or leave. I still manage to maintain good social relationships just enough so I’m not spending my days alone. Well, as long as I still function normally in society, I don’t mind. And no, I don’t feel any emptiness or whatever you call it. It’s actually more of a blessing than a curse because now I feel like I’m a whole person and I don’t need anybody to cope by, so I don’t waste so many hours to impress not-so-important people everyday. Take that, feelings!

Now I’m back to my simple life of 24/7 coding/watching tv series/sleeping. If I can feel any emotion now, my best guess is that it would be happiness. 🙂